Why Depression in Men Can Be Harder to Recognize

If you're still going to work and you haven't been crying, you must not be depressed, right?

Not exactly. Depression in men can be harder to recognize because it may show up as a short fuse or pulling away from family.

The traditional depiction of a person who is depressed is too narrow, especially when it comes to men, says Ann Husak, a therapist at Puget Sound Psychotherapy in Seattle. She often hears men describe being annoyed or pissed off before they can name sadness or loneliness.

"It can feel very vulnerable at times, or even hard to name, 'I'm feeling sad,' or 'I'm feeling lonely,'" Ann says. "Instead, it can come across as, 'I'm feeling annoyed. I'm feeling pissed off. I'm just frustrated. Everything's bothering me.'"

The National Institute of Mental Health estimated that about 1 in 12 U.S. men experience a major depressive episode in a year. That figure doesn't say how many cases went unrecognized.

Which signs of depression in men get missed?

Many men experience recognizable sadness, but in its absence, Ann suggests looking at the bigger picture. A man who seems short-tempered may also have stopped enjoying his hobbies. He might feel unplugged from his family, or have little energy even when he gets enough rest.

The question is what has changed. Has occasional frustration become constant? Does spending time with people feel like something to avoid? Have things you used to enjoy started feeling pointless?

Anger alone doesn't establish depression, but persistent irritability alongside lost interest or other changes deserves attention.

Traditional masculinity can make asking for help harder

Some boys grow up hearing "toughen up" or "don't cry," Ann says. Over time, those messages can make it difficult to recognize what they're feeling, let alone explain it to someone else.

Boys and men who are taught to bury their feelings may be less willing to seek help. For some, being the person who holds everything together leaves little room to admit they're struggling.

Ann sees this in conversations about friendship, too. Having people around doesn't always mean having someone you can tell that you feel lonely.

How family can help a depressed man get help

A partner may notice someone withdrawing from family life before he recognizes depression himself. Ann recommends paying attention to how a person copes. Does drinking actually help, or mostly numb what's happening?

Try starting with an observation instead of a label: "It seems like you haven't been interested in seeing anyone lately. How have things been for you?"

You don't have to diagnose him to encourage support. And remember that understanding possible depression doesn't mean accepting hurtful behavior.

What depression therapy can look like

Ann begins therapy for depression by understanding how connected someone feels to his life. Before expecting a detailed explanation of emotional pain, she asks about everyday routines and available support.

What does your sleep look like? What is your support system? What do you do for fun? What feels joyful to you?

For clients who struggle to name emotions, she keeps a pillow with a feelings wheel in her office. Looking at possible words can feel less intimidating than being asked to explain a feeling from scratch.

If symptoms persist or interfere with daily life, talking with a therapist can help. You can seek help before you're certain it's depression.

Clinically reviewed by Haley Boscolo.