Adult Friendships and Mental Health: Building Community in Seattle

Ever since the fire at our Madison Valley office on July 14, we have been overwhelmed by the support we've received. Without our extended community, who knows how we would have managed to get through this stressful time.

Besides filling us with gratitude, the aftermath has reminded us of the importance of community. But the fact is, we know that real connection is hard to come by.

Sure, when we're children, friendship is built into the day. We sit beside other kids in class, play together and see the same people over and over. As adults, though, it's not so easy, and making the effort may be especially important now.

According to the U.S. Surgeon General's advisory on social connection, Americans are spending significantly more time alone and less time connecting in person. Remote work, full schedules and fewer shared community spaces can all make it easier to go through the day without interacting with anybody.

So, now is as good a time as any to look at the relationships we have, and look forward to the ones we might still be able to build.

Why adult friendships are good for your mental health

Carrie Gassett, a therapist at Puget Sound Psychotherapy, noted that humans are social creatures and do not thrive in isolation. "Life is often challenging," Carrie said. "Friends help ground us, give us security, and help us navigate the bad times and the good times."

Research backs her up. The American Psychological Association found that high-quality adult friendships consistently predict well-being and may help protect against depression and anxiety.

How to keep adult friendships from fading

Adult friendships can fade without anyone deciding to end them. Work gets busy. Someone moves. Weeks pass between texts.

"People who maintain community schedule it, and they show up consistently," Carrie said. She recommends creating "protected time," a regular time reserved for a particular relationship.

The "plan" doesn't have to be frequent or elaborate. What matters most is making it and treating it as something worth honoring.

How to make friends as an adult in Seattle

Making friends as an adult usually requires repeated contact. One study found that it took roughly 50 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, with considerably more time needed to develop a close friendship.

That might sound daunting, but it shows that recurring activities are more promising than a single crowded event. A run club, trivia team, volunteer shift or book group gives people a reason to return and makes conversation easier.

"Invest in your neighborhood," Carrie said. "Seattle has a strong neighborhood culture. You'll probably see familiar faces at the coffee shop down the street from you."

Try out these places to meet new people in Seattle:

• Seattle Trivia
• Seattle-area Run Clubs Directory
• Metro Seattle Gamers
• Elliott Bay Book Groups

Your neighborhood bookstore, yoga studio or community center may also have a calendar of regular events.

Why small social interactions matter more than you think

Don't worry. Not every connection has to become a close friendship, but even making a point to engage in small interactions can make a big difference in your well-being.

People tend to underestimate how much they will enjoy these brief interactions. Research shows that a quick conversation — even if it doesn't lead to a lifelong friend — can make both people feel a little less anonymous.

Feeling lonely? Therapy can help you reconnect

Loneliness can be painful, and anxiety or depression can make reaching out feel even harder. Therapy can help so you do not have to work through that alone.

Our Seattle therapists at Puget Sound Psychotherapy can help you understand what is getting in the way and find realistic ways to build stronger relationships.

Perhaps most importantly, therapy can help you:

• Understand patterns that make connection feel harder than it needs to be.
• Build confidence around reaching out and making plans.
• Set boundaries that protect your energy without isolating you.
• Process the grief of friendships that have faded or ended.